grief, grief as teacher, letting go, loss, Photograph by Tamara Beachum, Quote
I am tired to the bone, more teary now than I was at my mother-in-law, Peggy’s, memorial service and I smell like other people’s perfume from all the hugs. (That’s a good thing.) My stoic Scottish side automatically comes out at memorial services but stories do sink in when I let them. Robin, my sister-in-love, spoke beautifully of her mom during the service. I can only hope that someone speaks as eloquently of me when I’m gone. Some of that history I had known for a while and some I had only learned recently when Peggy and I sat together during the last weeks of her illness. She was a remarkable woman who erred on the side of inclusion and for that I will forever be grateful. I came along late in her son’s life but she observed us and pronounced our union good. That meant a lot to me, to both of us. I realize now that Peggy and I should have had some mother/daughter dates long ago without having our men around. They are fantastic people but the four of us together had too much to say. I will cherish these last few weeks when she and I swapped our stories, past and present, with pregnant pauses in between. Given a similar love of nature, we sat on the porch naming the birds we knew and questioning each other on the ones we didn’t. Fellow pluviophiles, when a thunderstorm rolled through we relished the sudden darkness and I opened the blinds so she could see the deluge from her bed. We talked about simple pleasures...
grief, music, Photograph by Ken Gehle
We have been talking about making meaning from our losses and learning to live wholeheartedly again in The Creative Grief Studio course for which I am a teaching assistant. Grief alters who we knew ourselves to be and a new self begins to emerge as we carry the loss and the love. Something one of our participants said got me to thinking about the evolution of my music playlists. When my husband died I took over his phone. It had all the music he loved on it and much of that we had shared on long car rides. I couldn’t listen to it. I wiped it clean. The playlist I came up with reflected where I was: Be Here Now, Stand Back Up, Just Breathe, hymns from the memorial service… As time went on I added music from new artists I was discovering, music we hadn’t shared: Sarah Jarosz, Jonsi & Alex, Fleet Foxes. It was comfortingly unfamiliar. Looking at my playlist today I see it has evolved again. It has truly become a Wholehearted Playlist. Gone are the songs from the service but some of the old songs we shared are back. They no longer cut me open. Folk music has been added as what speaks to me now has changed. A certain tempo and tone and artistry are important to where I am now. And my most played song on that list since the slate was wiped clean? “A Home” by the Dixie Chicks. The Wholehearted Playlist grows. I grow into this new self carrying the loss and the love. Has the music you listen to...
gratitude, grief, moving forward, transformation
I am so pleased to announce the re-launch of my website. It has been quite an effort over the last month to get to this point but such a joy to channel my creative efforts in this way. And now it is finally ready for the big reveal! An unexpected technical issue precipitated the need to make some changes to the site but it also offered me an opportunity to consider what I wanted it to be now. Basically, my website got sick and I had to take some time to nurse it back to health. It came through transformed. Sounds a lot like life, doesn’t it? My goal with this new website is to provide you with inspiration and make it easier to find ways of living forward after loss that work for you. I have tried to make it more visually appealing and a true reflection of my voice. I hope that comes across. One of the new features of the site is the ability to schedule a creative grief support session with me directly through the website. This also includes a new free 30 minute “Get to Know You” session if you aren’t sure what path you want to take. (Rest assured, I still answer the phone though.) I would like to thank some amazing people who helped me with this site: Rob Granholm over at IT Arsenal did all the back-end web stuff that was over my pay grade leaving me free to take on the creative aspects. Penny Treese designed my logo and loaned me a digital copy of her beautiful encaustic painting....
grief, Motivational poster, moving forward, Photograph by Ken Gehle, Photography, Quote
My husband died on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in 2010. Years like this I live through the day twice, once on the eighteenth and again on MLK day. This year was the fifth anniversary of his death. I wanted to write about it - to process all that I was feeling - for a week before and for days after. But the words wouldn’t come. I took a stroll through some of the images of our children that he has taken over the years. This one of our son flying through the air struck me and called to mind a quote I have referred to quote often. Sometimes I crawl but always I keep moving...
grief, grief as teacher, letting go, transformation
The Executive Director of Soaring Spirits International, Michele, posted three group photos of Camp Widow recently. She unknowingly illustrated an evolution of one of the widows in the room…me. In the first shot, I’m way in the back. I know I’m there but I’m hidden, or hiding. I mean come on, why in the world would I be in a room full of widows at the age of 44? In the next, I’m closer to the front: owning my experience, learning, growing, moving forward but still somewhat on the edges, tentative. In the last I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with Michele and we are smiling, genuinely smiling. I am transformed and transforming. Michele supports widowed people in a way that often leaves me in awe. Love is her superpower and it shows. By this point in my own evolution I have embraced my life the way it really is, not the way it was supposed to be. I experienced the worst pain of my life and lived. I’ve stepped all the way to the front now, no longer afraid to be seen. When I started my business as a grief support practitioner I imagined working with clients one-on-one and while I still do that I’ve found that my greatest rewards come from teaching and leading creative group sessions. Camp Widow has offered me the opportunity to lead groups several times and when they are over I have a sense of reward that was absent in my work life for many years. I have also had the opportunity to teach creative grief support practices to hospice workers, counselors and pastors...
art, creativity, grief, heARTmaking activities
I’m participating in the 100Mandalas challenge led by Kathryn Costa to create 100 mandalas in 100 days (not necessarily consecutive though!) When I sit down to create something I tend to want to boil the ocean in my artwork. Mandalas provide a nice container within which to start. I can stay inside the lines if I want to…or not. I will explore different mediums and some of my mandalas will be observations. I’m keeping my options open. Shouldn’t we...
ALAL on Facebook
ALAL on Pinterest
Tamara on LinkedIn
Follow on Twitter
