grief, living forward, shame, social justice, tool
I originally wrote this piece for the Creative Grief Studio and wanted to share it here as well. Post-election many people found themselves unexpectedly grieving over the outcome. As will happen, there was also judgement about the validity of that grief. Ironically, I saw examples within the widowed community. People who have been told - much to their anger - how to grieve were, in turn, telling others how to grieve, or not to grieve or to “get over it” after two days. Just stop. Trying to control the grief of others does not bring us together. Escaping the news of the recent U.S. election is difficult even for those outside of the country. This campaign season was particularly divisive and many now find themselves moved in unanticipated ways. Political events and changes can have unexpected meaning and the resulting grief and anxiety can be very real. No matter what outcome we may have thought to be “right” it’s important to let those who are struggling feel what they feel without shame. If you find yourself in a position to support others who may feel grief over these recent events here are a few tips to keep in mind: Remember that people are grieving. They are assessing a real situation and experiencing a real human process so they can find their agency, and figure out what steps to take next. Allow them to feel what they feel on their own timeline. Rushing someone through is not helpful, nor possible. Consider how the hierarchy of loss may be impacting their experience. Are others minimizing their experience because they perceive this...
Creative Grief Tool, gratitude, Kairos, landscape, memories, National Parks, Photograph by Ken Gehle, Photograph by Tamara Beachum, Photography, prayer, quest, tool
“Let’s go to Death Valley,” he said. This was in response to my question about where we should go for my husband’s forty-fourth birthday and our first vacation away from our two small children in several years. I laughed, “No, really where do you want to go?” “Death Valley!” he grinned looking over the top of his glasses and that’s when I knew he was serious. Death Valley National Park is a place of odd beauty. Compared to what I perceived as the lush landscape of the Southeast, most of the vistas in Death Valley could best be described as simply, brown. To an inexperienced eye, such as mine, the ridiculously vivid blue sky was met only by tones of sepia. All the same, once Ken had convinced me to be there, I found it a place full of wonders I was eager to experience. We hiked and explored everywhere: salt flats, enormous sand dunes, a salt creek, abandoned mines, steep trails leading to surreal rock formations and even a ghost town. After days of exploring the park mostly at sunrise and sunset a curious thing happened, my eyes adjusted. One evening Ken set up for a shot in an area of the park known as the Artist’s Palette. Our trip was almost over. Faint hues of white, verdigris and deep red were visible on the range in front of us. As the sun approached the horizon behind us the colors of the arid earth began to reveal themselves. The mountainside was luminous with yellow, green, blue and even purple. The variety, there all along, was subdued and unappreciated...
art, tool, transformation
I have a folder on my computer called, “Tools Laurie Uses.” My friend was a tech geek to say the least. She earned a Ph.D. in Information and Computer Science from Georgia Tech in 1987. Her dissertation was on fractals, for heaven’s sake. She was a pioneer for women in technology. That’s some pretty left-brained stuff to be sure. Laurie was also super creative. Rarely did we have a talk where she didn’t have knitting in her hands. Quilter, jewelry maker, writer, entrepreneur and more, she loved to dabble and try new creative pursuits at which she soon excelled. As you might imagine for a tech geek, Laurie was an early adopter of the iPhone and loved a good app. My son’s strongest memory of her was when she handed him her iPhone to play a game that was much more interesting than the solemn conversation the adults were having. Not to mention that the waiting room outside his dad’s ICU room was a stressful place to be. She knew what would help. Recently I came across a free app that marries photography, video and text to produce a mini online magazine that can be accessed from any browser. Steller has been a fun way to tell stories and I’m pretty sure she would have loved it. (The early adopter in her might have even known about it before me.) The first day I played with the app was the one month mark after Laurie’s death so she was fittingly the subject of my initial story. Story was our way into learning about each other: sharing what we gleaned from books we...
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