Sometimes It’s The Little Things

Sometimes It’s The Little Things

grief, Kenwinks, letting go, living forward, parenting, Photograph by Ken Gehle, widow

I helped my daughter move from the Grand Canyon to Bozeman, MT outside Yellowstone this week. I followed in her car while she drove a U-Haul across 4 states with her life inside. Once again, I couldn’t help but think that her dad should be here so I had a little chat with him to stay close. As we entered into Page, AZ I got a little choked up. The last time we were all there her father was in remission. Pulling out of town, a hawk flew close between our vehicles. If I didn’t know better I would swear he could see me when he looked right down toward me through the windshield. The next day in Idaho I had to open the windows and keep sipping water to fight off a wave of panic. There was no present reason to be that stressed out except that, again, he should be here. As we dropped out of a mountain range into a valley, The Valley by k.d. lang came up on my iPod. That song sustained me and in that place with the sunset casting a warm glow on the mountains, I heard it in a new way. I really felt like he was with us. But sometimes I doubt theses signs, you know? Dismiss them. I didn’t find any dimes though, I thought. That’s one that happens pretty frequently when something significant is happening. Sometimes I feel like he’s telling me “pay attention to this moment” when they appear. Surely, this would be an event I should pay attention to, right? But no dimes. At last, we...
In the Company of Angels

In the Company of Angels

book recommendations, grief, Kenwinks, Photograph by Tamara Beachum, spiritual

Have you ever had a moment when you experienced an event that felt too designed to be merely a coincidence? Or a time when you just knew that you had received a clear message to your heart’s longing through someone else’s words? Or maybe you have seen a sign that you desperately hoped for and felt a resulting peace that could not be explained? I have had so many Godwinks* that I would not be able to recount them all if I tried. Grief broke me open to seeing them in a way nothing else has. As my husband was living his last hours in a hospital ICU I had a private conversation with him telling him that I HAD to have a sign that his soul – that our souls – went on. I have always been a person of faith but his impending death rocked me to my very core. I had begged God to save him but it was clear that was not going to be the outcome; if my faith was to remain intact I needed confirmation that I could not miss. He was the skeptic so I felt that if he ensured I received a message I recognized then I could rest in that. The first came within four hours of his death. They continue to come regularly in the form of hearts, hawks and angels who walk right up and say just the thing I need to hear. Yes, I have gotten the message. No, I’m not ready for them to stop. If you have been following the Wordless Wednesday posts you know...
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