9/11, birthday, grief, widow
Today, September 11th, is my birthday. As a member of the widowed community I now have met and come to know the real life stories of women who lost their person on 9/11/2001. Knowing that others are mournful on a day that I would otherwise be celebrating does put a damper on the day. How could it not? Celebrating love that lives on with Tanya at Camp Widow West. Her fiance, Sergio Villanueva, was a responding NYC firefighter on September 11, 2001. On my 2001 birthday I opened cards that arrived in the mail, glanced at them and tossed them straight in the trash. I can’t tell you exactly why. Grief alters our usual behavior in unexpected ways. We stayed quietly at home. We did not sing the birthday song. I can’t remember if there was a cake. My birthday remains a paradox: this day is not about me but this day is about me. Over the course of the last decade plus I have created a few ways to take care of myself and handle the contradictory feelings of the day. I stay away from media, enjoy a nice dinner that I don’t have to cook and each year I ask myself what feels right as a way to honor the totality of the day. Imagine opening your mailbox and finding more than one hundred birthday greetings. That’s what social media, in particular Facebook, can be like on a birthday. It’s pretty awesome. Now imagine following the mail carrier as she makes her rounds and seeing that on that same day in all the other mailboxes she...
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