Six years ago today, my husband died. You’d think I would get better at getting myself through this day and maybe to some degree I have. Last year - the fifth anniversary - was tougher as I remember it. Today, I’m not carrying the intense sadness of that particular milestone but it seems my grief is giving me Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I can’t seem to keep myself on task today. First thing this morning, I tried to get down to work. That did not go well. Fortunately, since I work in grief support and education I have coworkers who totally get it and allow space for this to happen. Thankfully, it’s a holiday here so I have some flexibility but here’s how the day has gone for me. I started with the best of intentions. After letting myself sleep a little bit later in anticipation of some rough spots, I made a nice hearty breakfast because ‘comfort food.’ Then…

  • I answered a few work emails
  • Considered what to start
  • Got distracted by an article
  • Felt tired of sitting (for all of 20 minutes)
  • Started the laundry
  • Ran up and down two floors of stairs gathering baskets and clothes I’d forgotten
  • Stopped in the home office to tell my son something but couldn’t remember what it was
  • Smelled his head instead (that never goes over well but I needed it today)
  • Fidgeted with my hair
  • Played with the cat
  • Tried to work again
  • Talked to my mom
  • Caught up on all of my Amazon reviews for the computer equipment I had ordered last year (priorities!)
  • Considered what I should have for breakfast
  • Remembered I’d already had breakfast. Ate lunch.
  • Remembered what I wanted to tell my son to do from earlier but forgot again before I got from the kitchen to the home office
  • You don’t even want to know how many times I’ve gotten up from writing this simple post

So you get the idea. That’s how the day has been. My child, who actually does have ADD, has been more focused today than I have. My affliction is ephemeral. I get that. It’s just grief having its way and I will find my focus again. This is where I offer you some profound conclusion, some elegant link about how grief distracts us and wonderful ways to cope and counteract. But not today. All I can say is that sometimes grief feels like ADD.

…and I just realized there are wet clothes in the washing machine.

Does your grief ever feel like ADD? I’d love to know. Leave a comment in the box below.